cYniCaLme

After two years I finally got back on my feet as a poet…

HOPELESS

Walking in a long straight path,

Awaiting righteousness before turning back,

Looking beyond the future,

While the past, hangs yet to rupture.

In the streaming river, honesty is lost,

Searching for reality and left to a pause,

Followed by dim light, rushed thru the water

Arms rowing tired but still going further.

Under the shining ball, dancing in a mask,

Hiding behind sanity and glaring through glass,

Concealing a gem, too hard to shatter,

Growing in a daze then getting weaker.

Stood up and ran endlessly,

Till a crossroad, halted me

Hearsays foretell, one reaches an end,

While the other one reaches a bend that transcends.

All paths are invariable from each other,

The road to take is just around the corner

But the question lies, which is the right one,

Answers are left dangling, waiting for us to come.

In the never ending wavering, soon came night,

Gave nothing but darkness, burned down the light,

When all hopes fade before it glistens,

A glimpse of eternity is ought to reach its end.

~~Isn’t it obvious that it was written by a cynic? I miss the old days when most of what I write was about hopes, dreams…love, inspiration. Sometimes I feel like I want to be saved from this instance….sometimes…

Love StiNks…I’m mEssed uP..

WaAaH!! Love stiNks becauSe..it really dOes..whEn it is related to people like myself. I am the type of person who makes everybody beliEve that I so want to be alone when the truth is…deep inside…I don’t. Who would want to be?..no man is an island right? But why is it to hard for me to accept other people’s feelings for me?

I want them away…far from me as much as possible. I don’t want anybody near my heart…of course except my few friends and family. I don’t want attachments (though I still have them) , I don’t want commitments, I don’t want anything that could possibly cause me much more pain..more than I am feeling right now. Nobody will ever understand the suffering that I brought upon myself for the sake of my family and my priorities in life..

No matter how hollow and unemotional I seem to be…no matter how I say that I don’t want and I can’t fall in love…the truth is I still am…to a person I cannot speak of anymore..for it causes me pain that I can endure no more.

I changed a lot..from what I used to be…for reasons few people could comprehend.. the thing is..i don’t want to go back to my old self…liked by everybody and pleases everyone. This is the new me…with a soul-stricken barrier and beneath is a rotten flower in never ending pain.